My rice bowl - still a dilemma!

25+ and still not sure on what I really wanna do? Sad!! I blame this all on my education (See, just have to find that source to blame) Degree in Mass Communication. God! What is that all about?? A master of all trades and jack of none.

I will never encourage someone to do that as a Degree…too wide of a scope. My problem now, I know I can do anything. Training, Sales, Front Office, Marcom…uuurrrrggghhhh..not easy you know…

Who ever said, having the gift of the gab is good??? See what it has brought me to? Yes, I have the gift of the gab and I shall try to be modest, I’m good at what I do.. (Gee, that's a hell of a load modesty) so moving up to the next step, kindda hard really…don’t really know which direction to take, don’t really know which path to venture into….okay, though I have told many that my dream job - travel from one country to another training call center agents, lap dancer in the evenings and F1 driver during the weekends, I've got to turn my practicality notch a little bit higher....HELP!! so if you are reading this, do me a favor…drop a comment and tell me where you see me in terms of career, I mean.

Where I work, I have friends calling me into various departments, people I meet telling me that I should join them, trainers I speak to saying that I should send them my cv – see! Yes I know I should be happy and all, that I’m in demand but it’s confusing,…..I hate choices…this whole temptation calling from others can be seen as an octopus; when you chop off one tentacle (shut them away as you don’t wanna be tempted further) there are dozens more awaiting to enfold you. HELP!! Because now everything feels so dislocated and absurd from the weather to the words.

Just feel like I can do more – the fact that I have time writing this blog, goes to show that I have time at work!!

So you know what do to…if you a reading this, please share me your thoughts. What should I do??

Humble slave to the Goddess of FOOD!

I did my first ever Annalakshmi Voluntary duty yesterday!!!

Yup...some might say "What? Since when ??"

I know, I know, so unlike me...but hei, think it is time to give back to society. What goes around comes around, doesn't it? OKAY! might have an ulterior motive, but let me tell you this much. After one day of service, don't think i will achieve my motive, in fact i will be coming home smelling like curry and sambar...

Anyway, for those of you who don't really know about annalakshmi, read on...
See it's got this concept - Eat as you like, pay as you feel! good huh? So you can imagine the number of people who visits that place?? Gee! I was wrong when I thought we didn't make money. The concept behind this unique organisation is to allow the volunteers to serve charitable organisation, with love through the culinary and visual arts. The food served in Annalakshmi is not prepared by hired chefs with secret French recipes hidden up their sleeves. Instead it is prepared with the care and love by homemakers - mothers, grandparents, sisters and brothers (mostly from India ;) ).

This filial connection is what makes the concept of Annalakshmi, an unique one. So there you go, your eat as you like and pay as you feel concept.

What does Annalakshmi mean?

Annalakshmi is the Hindu Goddess of Food and the adage "athithi devo bhava" meaning "the Guest is God" is the motivating factor. This factor is a tribute to the Goddess of Plenty, Annalakshmi. These ideals, the warmth and the service very soon capture the imagination of diners. Annalakshmi provides food for the soul by providing a good meal to those who walk in. ( I got this off the net...)

It is largely run through the work of voluntary staff that includes mothers and grandmothers all of whom know what it takes to prepare a wholesome meal with homely love. (But when i went there to dine 2 weeks back, I saw all the mamis and mamas serving, and that was my calling. To help them. Hoping that I will bump into my rich dato and marry him - yup, the mice is out. That's my motive. But trust me when i say, I don't think that is happening.) Their clientele, Indian tourist!!! okay, maybe I might not meet my Dato but a Maharaja. (High Hopes!!)

Through your generosity you not only give us the honor and privilege to serve you with the culinary and performing arts but also allow us to help the underprivileged in India via The Temple of Service, providing free food and medical services. So come my dear friends, to the Annalakshmi. (God! I sound like a saint)

Eat and bloody well pay RM10 and above yeah! Don't be a Malaysian. Remember, taking orders, clearing plates, replenishing curries, doing all this wearing a saree, trying to look Indian and hoping that I don't swear at those people who has no patience whatsoever and those who come to you and say things like "how can you call this vegetarian when you have garlic and onion"- give me a break!!. So please....

The Mean Naive me :(

Bet you know this feeling - Don't wanna leave the house, don't wanna meet friends, just wanna watch tv the whole day on your own, if you are hungry, just call dominos...yup! that what I did the whole day and it feels bloody good. and for those, if you who have been doing this rather often, you will also realise that you do things like, think about those days and read all the letters given to you when you were younger...

That's what I did today....as I was running through all those letters and cards people gave me, it got me thinking. Here you go, welcome to Darshini's mind

Card No 1

From this guy I've known since I was about 15. All lot of drama shit happened between us. Let's just say, it was a reenactment of the Tamil dramas and living in klang then, didn't really help. Well, he sent me a birthday card while I was in the UK. I remember reading it and thinking how stupid this boy was. Made fun of the card and the content and made sure others shared the same sentiments. In short- I mocked him. But for some reason, today, as I was reading the card again, it felt different. For the first time, I can say, I could feel how he felt for me. That boy did love me...oh my god! and I made a fool out of that...how selfish of me?? shit..okay, no doubt the card looked hideous, red roses and all...but the writing...I feel like a mean bitch. (Yup Leena, I am the reason why men think we women are bitches! Go on say it...)

Card No 2

My darling sis. The one culture UK had and that's why the card dealers made hell of loads of money, they have cards for every occasion and people would send them for every occasion. We moved 8 times throughout the 2 years period in the UK and can you imagine how many "NEW HOME" cards mum and me got....I had 3 jobs in the UK and can you imagine how many "Congrats - New job" and "WE are sorry you are leaving" cards I got? Yup, and when my sister came to visit me in Warrington before she started living her Scottish dream, she gave me a card (She just wanted to fit into the whole UK culture thing - hei yasodh, but the card means a lot and i still have it) There this line " Thank you for being you" - OHHH, all the hard times I gave her, see, I speak a hell of a lot faster than my brains think, so can you imagine how much crap came out of my mouth?? Sorry yasodh!!! But I was just being myself.

Letters No 3

I have a huge collection of letters from this man. I shared my 2 years of life with him. Like they say, all good things must come to an end, and so it did. Reading all those letters now, made me realise how much of an impact I had on this man. I am so sorry if I have hurt you and I know sorry if not good enough. But boy, believe me, it hurts my ego to even say it. Think about it, you and I are a lot happier without each another (I think). The last letter is by far the "BEST" - so much of hurt and hatred. Yup, the final goodbye letter. God, this blog is sounding like a confession.

okay, not gonna bore you with anymore letters and cards now....

You really wanna know what life really was in the UK?? The truth? I HATED IT!!
But I am who I am today because of it. I moved 8 times while I was out there. Was battling between what I really wanted to do and what my mum wanted me to do (or what I thought my mum wanted me to do), was trying to earn as much as I can (I was pound crazy) and was trying to live the British Indian Dream. The funny part was, there wasn't any dream. I was, for the first time living the day as it passed by. My only sanity then, MY JOB!! I felt in love so much and it hurt so badly when I left. And every time we gathered (I lived very close to Manchester then, Mum down near London and Sis in Aberdeen then) I only had work stories to share with them while they would tell me about their little travel adventure. Met a darling black man (Yup, and never thought I would go back ;) ) but I came right back and out of it, when I stepped on my Malaysian Soil. Out of sight, out of mind they say.


OOHHHHHHH, I hate this feeling....the feeling in not really knowing what I'm trying to say, this blog doesn't really have a point...Guess, I am missing mummy... :( see living on your own is not all that great. Thank god I love my own company or I would have been dead a long time back. You know what, I'm off now, or this crap will not stop...

Till you hear from me real soon - remember, everything happens for a reason....see, even that didn't make sense

My new found blow job!

Okay, now don't let your imaginations run wild!
Read on and you shall know what I mean bout this new found blow job.
It all started like about last week, when thans and I was busy getting our supply of ... (shall spare you the details ;) ) - Sorry, Thanee - just love leaving readers cracking their heads. (okaylah...we had to get our supplies of panadol cause we were getting on each others nerve ;)) Anyway we came across this little shelf exhibiting various flavours, sizes and packages of tobacco! Got real excited and decided to get the whole starter kit.
I think I'm facing the mid life crisis now. PS2 is even in the list!!

After much contemplation, I got the Vanilla Chocolate flavour. For you smokers out there, wanna quit smoking? Then start rolling your own cigs. And for those of you who are toodlers in smoking and wanna try it, then join this whole roll and blow job.
It's like drug. I look forward to go home every night. Sneak up at my balcony with pillows on the floor, get myself all cosy and start my job with "My name is Earl"playing at the background. It's HEAVEN!!!

For those of you thinking of what to buy me for my birthday, here's what I want. Been wanting to invest on these gadgets to enhance my blow job;
1) Zippo
2) The little silver case to store the perfect, fresh blows - Don't know what you call it

Been a wonderful week - me, home and rolling ciggs. Don't really know how long it's gonna be but certainly gonna finish it!

So come join me, let's blow this shit in heaven together! oh by the way, please bring your own supply :)

ps: Amma & Aunties - Chill! the phase is already passing. Just thought it will be a good reading tool. Sorry have to spice up this piece of reading. This is specially for my darling mother. Save the phone bills Amma, you've taught me better than this!!! - Sorry guys, still shocked that my mum called me from CAnada to sort this out with me.....oh......I LOVE HER!!!

Double Headed Snake!!

UURRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Why are some people like this???
I so cannot stand it no more. If you have a problem, have the balls and tell it to my face. But NO! you rather tell someone else and let the word come my way. WHY?

I knew this will be creeping up slowly, because there isn't any Darshini's stage of glory to be dancing on. you know, i love my job and all, not complaining about it, but i love the people i work with even more (NOT!!!)

Our problem is communication. and sending emails around is not going to help any situation. if there is a problem, why can't we address it there and then, why do we need to wait, then send emails, cc the whole f&*(îng world about it. Grow up, people!!! If there is one training i could design and train, it will be "PRACTICE BEFORE YOU PREACH"

Can you believe, i am now becoming a noding doll and that is annoying me. The one person who needs more motivation than anybody else is the trainer, and i have to find it myself..well, i'm pretty good at amusing myself. It's just been a low week, sure i'll be up and about next week.
Darshini...you cannot allow people to do this to you. If you don't wanna go for a stupid meeting, say it...it's not in my job description!!!uuurrrggghhhhhhh