am 24 today and i can't believe it. feels a lot older though. This is the time when i sit and ponder on what I've done and what I've not done. ponder on what i like and what i don't like , but funnily enough, i still don't know what i want. but i sure know what i don't want. I am not quite sure if you know where i am coming from.
coming back to Malaysia recently, made me open my eyes to alot of thing, most of all made me open my eyes to what i really don't want in life. i think it's funny how you never really asked me what i want. i think you knew what it would have been. you keep ending you ms gs, your calls and your occasional letter with 'i love you', I've tried doing the same coz that was the right thing to do at that moment. suddenly it feels like it's being forced out of me.
i know i care for you, but i am not sure if it means love. everytime i try saying it to you, that i wanna break from us, you keep saying that you will wait till i get back. i can't do it. i can't do the long distance, i can't do the obligation.
and i am sorry it took me two years to realise this, two years to gather my guts to admit it. you've always been there for me, but I've not been there for you. do you not think it is unfair?? this whole thing has been bothering me for so long and i just have to put it on email. i know it is not very nice to do, and i know you might be wondering, if she is coming back in march, why can't she tell me then...I don't want you to wait any longer...i am feeling awfully guilty and it's eating me inside. once you get this email, once you are done reading it, please call me if you can.
i know it is unfair to keep you waiting but you never fail to pull me back. please don't ask me what you will need to do to make me change my mind, coz my answer will be nothing. coz you should never change yourself for somebody else. if you realise, i am typing this email on my birthday.. coz i wanna start my life again and find my missing self. (Name), i am scared about doing this but i am more terrified about getting caught lying in this relationship. it is not fair on you and it is not fair on me.
i am sorry. this is the hardest thing for me to do, but i don't wanna live another year lying and trying while the other feels it all.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Game Over! She was an escort and she didn't know
This is gonna be a real good story but gonna take my time, so stay tuned!
She always wanted to be an escort. Pretty strange, ain't it?
Do you blame her, she thought she had the flair to be a perfect one. The assest, more so her communication skills, her humor, she thought will make it up against all her other flaws that many saw in her. The after months of "market survey", she found a perfect catch. But like they all say, what's life when there's no spice. She found her spice. She never really regarded him as a client for some reason. He was in a different league (Trully now, he doesn't deserve all that credit). What started of as lust, then diverted into friendship and then into "something". NO Definition. Not even the dictionary could help here.
She would have been fine if all he wanted was to only be a client. but after the 16 months of sweet, sour, bitter, amazing journey (My my, it was a complete melting pot of emotions. the pot kept on boiling until very recently, the fire was way too hot, causing it to over pour), he say "no emotional attachment all these while"...They say, words can be cheap, but this one, was the sharpest of all.
Just that very moment, all her memories with someone she thought who would never be a client, summed up to, You are an escort. Her payment was made in kind.
but she still doesn't understand. A client never cares, never worries, never feels proud, never shares anything with an escort. Or was she wrong?? Well, if he didn't do all that, she would have known that she was in the right job, abding her job description so that she will get her year end bonus, but when all that happened (or so she thought) how can she be the escort. Oh forget it! far too late now. Because he said it, loud and clear. Summed up the journey to one, bitter sweet sentence.
So guess, she deserved the payment. CHEAP SLUT!!
She always wanted to be an escort. Pretty strange, ain't it?
Do you blame her, she thought she had the flair to be a perfect one. The assest, more so her communication skills, her humor, she thought will make it up against all her other flaws that many saw in her. The after months of "market survey", she found a perfect catch. But like they all say, what's life when there's no spice. She found her spice. She never really regarded him as a client for some reason. He was in a different league (Trully now, he doesn't deserve all that credit). What started of as lust, then diverted into friendship and then into "something". NO Definition. Not even the dictionary could help here.
She would have been fine if all he wanted was to only be a client. but after the 16 months of sweet, sour, bitter, amazing journey (My my, it was a complete melting pot of emotions. the pot kept on boiling until very recently, the fire was way too hot, causing it to over pour), he say "no emotional attachment all these while"...They say, words can be cheap, but this one, was the sharpest of all.
Just that very moment, all her memories with someone she thought who would never be a client, summed up to, You are an escort. Her payment was made in kind.
but she still doesn't understand. A client never cares, never worries, never feels proud, never shares anything with an escort. Or was she wrong?? Well, if he didn't do all that, she would have known that she was in the right job, abding her job description so that she will get her year end bonus, but when all that happened (or so she thought) how can she be the escort. Oh forget it! far too late now. Because he said it, loud and clear. Summed up the journey to one, bitter sweet sentence.
So guess, she deserved the payment. CHEAP SLUT!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)