When I was living out in the UK back in 2004, many Malaysians that I crossed paths with always had a debate with me with regards to the negatives of going back to Malaysia. “What’s the point?? The country (Malaysia) is going to the dogs” – was their constant mantra. I smiled and ignored it, telling myself, what a shame, them allowing the country (UK) that once ruled our land, rule their minds too. It can’t be that bad. Well, I convinced myself that when I get back home (Malaysia) it would be good, real good. I was born here in Malaysia and was brought up there, surely and truly it would be easy.
It is with great shame I write this today after 19 months since I have been back, biting back on my beliefs and understand the warning that came my way from the British minded Malaysians. My reasons are as follows:
But before I allow my emotional side guide me through this letter and list them all for the benefit of resting my case, let me just concluded that it is not easy for a young single lady living in this country on her own.
Please pardon my language throughout this letter as I am sure that I still do have some freedom of speech in this country.
1) Came back to my homeland and left my family back in the UK. My mother pleaded, begged and even threatened me to stay on the British soil. But my patriotism and adamant nature turned itself into a ticket to Malaysia truly Asia. Started my home in a little cozy apartment in KL and needed to register the phone lines, electricity, water and the whole works. Now, this can’t be hard, right? After all, I am Malaysian and I speak the language. So I thought. To cut the long story short, the service I received from Telekoms – a disaster, the information I got from one agent to another in the same company and may I also add, the same building – contradictory, and the after service – Horrendous!!! What good came out of that?? Well, I am a Trainer in a 5 star hotel here in Malaysia and I use this story as a example of bad customer service. Oh thank you, Telekoms. It is right when they say, if you hate a service, you tell 10 other people but not the service provider. But in my case, not only did I tell 10, in total of all the trainings I have done, it’s added up to more than 100 and I also told the service provider, to which I got a RM50 rebate. Oh, please applaud yourselves, Telekoms.
2) During one of my visit to Malaysia (while I was in the UK) I had to renew my driving license. With this whole new innovative technology (so I thought) things would be easier. I must say, the systems in this country, just doesn’t fail to proof its useless existence. It took me in total of 5 hours to renew my driving license. Why?? Well, went to the post office, was told to go to JPJ. Went there and was told because it is all now in the MyKad, I’ll have to go to JPN. Went to JPN and alas! Got it all sorted after 5 hours. All in my MyKad. She (lady behind the counter in JPN) threw away my old driving license (the pink laminated card) and told me now all information is in the MyKad. That’s good, all info in one source. I thought, but boy oh boy, was I wrong yet again. Had to renew my driving license this year and I caught myself in a little verbal battle with the lady at the counter as she has insisted I pay a fine of RM20 for not having that pink laminated card. Why punish me for something your party did in the first place. Ridiculous!! What contradictory information??
3) Today, the pinnacle of it all. The reason I am writing this in the first place. Took a day off from work to sort some car transfer and road tax. Headed to Pusphakom and managed to get the car inspected. Then went to JPN in Wangsa Maju. Totally lost with what to do but had called many to enquire about the forms I need in advance to do the transfer of the name. I remember calling the JPN hotline during work one day, and when I got this lady on line, I asked her all the question I had, even after going through the website, she snapped in Malay. Said that she is spending more then 5 minutes on the phone with me. I asked her if that was a problem and she said, she was told to only spend not more than 5 minutes with one person on the phone. What procedure is that?? Who ever made that?? That got me real irritated. Thanked her (for doing nothing) and called again. After numerous call, conflicting information, surfing the necessary site for clarification, I went to JPJ. Was it a success?? You guess?? NOT… was told that the owner of the car had to be present. What if the owner is not in the country?? Can’t a certified copy of his identification card by a legal lawyer do any good?? Are we kidding, it’s Malaysia. I should have known better. Well, guess another off day from work to sort this, because after all they only operate the same time as my working hours. The number of leaves I have taken from work to sort things like this, really not worth it.
Then I came back, thought to myself, should I have listened to those warning?? I am not one who would whine about something (Ok, maybe sometimes) I preach about “shape up, or ship up”. But how much more do I have to “shape up” when the system works against me. “Ship out” – I am working towards it. But before that, I need to rest me case.
We need to really go back to basics. Instead of wasting all that money in sending the angkasawans to space, building sport complex in England (Oh, God! What is wrong with us)
1) start training the people who work in JPJ, JPN and all governmental offices.
2) Ensure information of any sort, especially the system is easily assessable to many
3) Improve the transportation system – why have all that amazing touch screen machines at the LRT station when it will only take coins??
God! Our priorities are screwed up!!
But we are just to busy spending money at all the wrong places and shutting people up. And this will certainly call for all those rallies happening lately. I was against it, but I now understand their frustration. I decided I will voice out through another way.
What good has come out of all these? Well today, I am a registered voter. Regardless of which country I am in, I will sure make it back to Malaysia (which I am no longer proud to call it home) to cast my vote. And the only justice I can do, is to ensure my kids are not brought up here, till we get the basics right. I am even considering political asylum in another land. (Yup, go ahead and laugh)
Now, can someone please reaffirm this - Priorities all gone wrong??
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Unity Band??
Yes, I bet you have heard about this whole Unity Band thing...Seen the ad, Only god know how much was that whole piece, and heard it on the radio...
Have you been wondering the following;
1) where do I get the band
2) Most important...why now, all that palaver about the unity band..
Now baring in mind that this whole new rather "hypocritical" initiative is brought to you by the government. now, why am i so surprise...read the following of what i got, from all my searching of info from the web.
MIX FM;
Very soon we will all be celebrating an amazing milestone in our country’s history… 50 years of Independence! (I bet they meant, injustice Independence)
Let’s come together and unite for our homeland Malaysia. (So only now, after 50 years we are concern about unity??)
Get hold of the Unity Band and wear it proudly!
Why? Very simple actually, the Unity Band is a symbol of our Unity, regardless of Race, Religion or Creed. (This line makes me sick, you wanna unite, then let's all start..first remove race from the Identification Card, from the passport, from the whole education system, the banking system, the political system, basically, remove the bumiputera status, oh ya, remove them from all the application forms - schools, uni, jobs..everything!! then you talk about unite)
At the end of the day we are Malaysian. (This one, should be a constant mantra for the government) It’s red colour is symbolic of the colour of the blood that runs though our veins. It is what makes us unique, the fact that Malaysia is so culturally diverse, yet we can all come together and celebrate those differences together in a Unified way which shows our love for our country. (Can we stop hiding behind all these, can someone tell me who came up with this unity band crap??)
Have you been wondering the following;
1) where do I get the band
2) Most important...why now, all that palaver about the unity band..
Now baring in mind that this whole new rather "hypocritical" initiative is brought to you by the government. now, why am i so surprise...read the following of what i got, from all my searching of info from the web.
MIX FM;
Very soon we will all be celebrating an amazing milestone in our country’s history… 50 years of Independence! (I bet they meant, injustice Independence)
Let’s come together and unite for our homeland Malaysia. (So only now, after 50 years we are concern about unity??)
Get hold of the Unity Band and wear it proudly!
Why? Very simple actually, the Unity Band is a symbol of our Unity, regardless of Race, Religion or Creed. (This line makes me sick, you wanna unite, then let's all start..first remove race from the Identification Card, from the passport, from the whole education system, the banking system, the political system, basically, remove the bumiputera status, oh ya, remove them from all the application forms - schools, uni, jobs..everything!! then you talk about unite)
At the end of the day we are Malaysian. (This one, should be a constant mantra for the government) It’s red colour is symbolic of the colour of the blood that runs though our veins. It is what makes us unique, the fact that Malaysia is so culturally diverse, yet we can all come together and celebrate those differences together in a Unified way which shows our love for our country. (Can we stop hiding behind all these, can someone tell me who came up with this unity band crap??)
Sunday, November 11, 2007
My Short Skirt!
My Short Skirt is not an invitation
a provocation, an indication
that i want it or give it, or that i hook
My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you to rip it off me
or pull it down
My short skirt is not a legal reason
for raping me although it has been before
it will not hold up in the new court
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering the power of my lower calves
about coll autumn air travelling up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see or pass or fell to live inside
My short skirt is not a proof that I am stupid or undecided or a malleable little girl
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it or tome it down,
get used to it.
My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground
I am here and I am hot
My short skirt is a liberation flag in the women's army
I declare these street, any streets my vagina's country.
My short skirt is turquoise water with swimming colored fish
a summer festival in the stray dark
a bird calling, a train arriving in a foreign town
My short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is initiation, appreciation, excitation
But mainly my short skirt and everything under it
is MINE, MINE and only MINE!!
-Vagina Monologue-
* this one is for the great politician with regards to the AirAsia uniform statement...really, if you have nothing to say, just don't bother saying anything...cause you end up making a great fool of yourselves..
a provocation, an indication
that i want it or give it, or that i hook
My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you to rip it off me
or pull it down
My short skirt is not a legal reason
for raping me although it has been before
it will not hold up in the new court
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering the power of my lower calves
about coll autumn air travelling up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see or pass or fell to live inside
My short skirt is not a proof that I am stupid or undecided or a malleable little girl
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it or tome it down,
get used to it.
My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground
I am here and I am hot
My short skirt is a liberation flag in the women's army
I declare these street, any streets my vagina's country.
My short skirt is turquoise water with swimming colored fish
a summer festival in the stray dark
a bird calling, a train arriving in a foreign town
My short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is initiation, appreciation, excitation
But mainly my short skirt and everything under it
is MINE, MINE and only MINE!!
-Vagina Monologue-
* this one is for the great politician with regards to the AirAsia uniform statement...really, if you have nothing to say, just don't bother saying anything...cause you end up making a great fool of yourselves..
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Pest and Pain!!! why do you exist??
This is goona be a real short one...just have to venge my anger and frustration else where....if only they had a Hyde Park here, it would have been easier....I just don't know why people enjoy annoying and irritating others.....i sometimes wonder what pleasure they have...then again i wonder why i allow them to do this to me...really, you are so not worth my time...so go play far far coz you are not welcomed here....Guess if you wanna stick around, then I'm leaving....uuurrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It "Neverwas"...
This is dedicated to that one person who thinks I base my blogs on them and the conversations we have...thanks for being the spice in my life ;)
Review Summary
A man seeks to unlock the mysteries of his family's tragic past in this drama. Zach Riley (Aaron Eckhart) is a psychiatrist who has resigned a prestigious position at a major university to take a job at the Millwood Clinic, a private residential facility run by one Dr. Reed (William Hurt). Riley tells Reed he was inspired to come to Millwood by the case of a family friend who was a patient there years before, but what Riley doesn't mention is the person in question was his father, T.L. Pierson (Nick Nolte), a successful but reclusive children's author whose book "Neverwas" became a remarkable critical and popular success. For all his talent and success, Pierson was haunted by mental illness and drug addiction, and after leaving Millwood he committed suicide, with young Zach finding the body. Ever since, his mother (Jessica Lange) has been bitter and blamed Zach for Pierson's death, and he's come to Millbrook looking for answers and closure regarding his dad. While working with the patients at Millwood, Riley strikes up a friendship with Gabriel (Ian McKellen), a charming older man with a poor connection to reality who was friendly with Pierson when they were both in treatment there; Riley also renews his childhood friendship with Maggie Blake (Brittany Murphy), a Millwood intern who was powerfully affected by "Neverwas" when she was young. Neverwas is the first feature film from writer and director Joshua Michael Stern and certainly a darn good effort.
I recently watched this movie and I must added was simply amazing...if you are one of those who rather sit down and not use much of your thinking cap while watching movies.....then "Neverwas" will certainly be part of your never will list...But for those of you who loves to exercise their thinking caps, then this movie will give you more than just a 1.30 hours exercise..for me it was a life long realization...to what you may ask...read on and you will find out
From the review, I'm sure you pretty much got the gist of the movie..From my understanding it was about the book "Neverwas". The author (Pierson) of this best seller wrote this book while he was in rehab with the help of his friend, Gabriel. "Neverwas" is a kingdom while Gabriel is the King. Pierson said, before he died, that Zach (Pierson's son) will rescue Gabriel from here (the rehab) and send him back to his kingdom. I think I am confusing you, right?? well watch the movie....in short what I'm trying to say is that, people in the rehabs may not be psycho..they just believe all that others says...and from beliefs, it just becomes reality...just like Neverwas..Gabriel made all his beliefs from Pierson a reality while the whole world laugh at him....
coming to think about it...that's what we all tend to do...laugh at people's beliefs or faith and they end up thinking it is real...life is all SNAFU (situation normal, all fucked up)
Review Summary
A man seeks to unlock the mysteries of his family's tragic past in this drama. Zach Riley (Aaron Eckhart) is a psychiatrist who has resigned a prestigious position at a major university to take a job at the Millwood Clinic, a private residential facility run by one Dr. Reed (William Hurt). Riley tells Reed he was inspired to come to Millwood by the case of a family friend who was a patient there years before, but what Riley doesn't mention is the person in question was his father, T.L. Pierson (Nick Nolte), a successful but reclusive children's author whose book "Neverwas" became a remarkable critical and popular success. For all his talent and success, Pierson was haunted by mental illness and drug addiction, and after leaving Millwood he committed suicide, with young Zach finding the body. Ever since, his mother (Jessica Lange) has been bitter and blamed Zach for Pierson's death, and he's come to Millbrook looking for answers and closure regarding his dad. While working with the patients at Millwood, Riley strikes up a friendship with Gabriel (Ian McKellen), a charming older man with a poor connection to reality who was friendly with Pierson when they were both in treatment there; Riley also renews his childhood friendship with Maggie Blake (Brittany Murphy), a Millwood intern who was powerfully affected by "Neverwas" when she was young. Neverwas is the first feature film from writer and director Joshua Michael Stern and certainly a darn good effort.
I recently watched this movie and I must added was simply amazing...if you are one of those who rather sit down and not use much of your thinking cap while watching movies.....then "Neverwas" will certainly be part of your never will list...But for those of you who loves to exercise their thinking caps, then this movie will give you more than just a 1.30 hours exercise..for me it was a life long realization...to what you may ask...read on and you will find out
From the review, I'm sure you pretty much got the gist of the movie..From my understanding it was about the book "Neverwas". The author (Pierson) of this best seller wrote this book while he was in rehab with the help of his friend, Gabriel. "Neverwas" is a kingdom while Gabriel is the King. Pierson said, before he died, that Zach (Pierson's son) will rescue Gabriel from here (the rehab) and send him back to his kingdom. I think I am confusing you, right?? well watch the movie....in short what I'm trying to say is that, people in the rehabs may not be psycho..they just believe all that others says...and from beliefs, it just becomes reality...just like Neverwas..Gabriel made all his beliefs from Pierson a reality while the whole world laugh at him....
coming to think about it...that's what we all tend to do...laugh at people's beliefs or faith and they end up thinking it is real...life is all SNAFU (situation normal, all fucked up)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Is ignorance really blilss??
Hmmmmm...over the weekend, someone slapped me with this thought...got me thinking about it..
Is ignorance really bliss?? Honest truth?..I think it is...and I am sure not convicing myself about it...this about all the situations
1) Been going out with a man for 18 months...now 18 months for Darshini is LONG!!...so the story...boy meets girl, boy and girl like each other, start the relatioship on friendship basis for a little while and venture into the lust and stayed on there for a long time...only to find out at the 18th month that the girl was not the only girl....is ignorance here really bliss?? then it was so paintful...but the pain doesn't stay for long...it's all long gone now and we have moved out and on...when I see him now, it never crosses my mind, not sure of his though...
2) Divorce of my parents...this one, ignorance is certainly bliss....till this very moment, after 6 years since they were legally divorced, I do not want to know the cause of it all....because, naturally you end up hating someone, blaming someone and hurting someone...life is so blissful now, and I wouldn't want to mess that up
3) I just think when you know too much, you draw conclusions in your head....boy meets girl, girl finds boy rather interesting, gril falls for boy, only to find out boy like someone else...now that someone will always be in girl's mind, day and night...but if girl never knew that in the first place, she would have been happier..not so clinggy to boy, given boy all that space ...see, ignorance would have been bliss
4) Girl had an abortion, girl now meet the perfect boy of her dreams...they are planning to get married...do you think girl should ever tell boy about the past?? Ignorance is bliss....trust me on this one, if boy ever know that fact from girl, he may be all cool and all, but when things turn sour, boy oh boy, he will bring it up....
i honestly think ignorance is bliss...because if i know, i will keep imagining it...but if i didn't and you left hints...i will soon forget all that hints, especially if we are having loads of good times togetehr...this is in every friendship and relationship....you might say, where's the trust then?? but if you know the truth will hurt someone, then why tell...life is too short to be living it so hurtful all the time...do i make sense??
Is ignorance really bliss?? Honest truth?..I think it is...and I am sure not convicing myself about it...this about all the situations
1) Been going out with a man for 18 months...now 18 months for Darshini is LONG!!...so the story...boy meets girl, boy and girl like each other, start the relatioship on friendship basis for a little while and venture into the lust and stayed on there for a long time...only to find out at the 18th month that the girl was not the only girl....is ignorance here really bliss?? then it was so paintful...but the pain doesn't stay for long...it's all long gone now and we have moved out and on...when I see him now, it never crosses my mind, not sure of his though...
2) Divorce of my parents...this one, ignorance is certainly bliss....till this very moment, after 6 years since they were legally divorced, I do not want to know the cause of it all....because, naturally you end up hating someone, blaming someone and hurting someone...life is so blissful now, and I wouldn't want to mess that up
3) I just think when you know too much, you draw conclusions in your head....boy meets girl, girl finds boy rather interesting, gril falls for boy, only to find out boy like someone else...now that someone will always be in girl's mind, day and night...but if girl never knew that in the first place, she would have been happier..not so clinggy to boy, given boy all that space ...see, ignorance would have been bliss
4) Girl had an abortion, girl now meet the perfect boy of her dreams...they are planning to get married...do you think girl should ever tell boy about the past?? Ignorance is bliss....trust me on this one, if boy ever know that fact from girl, he may be all cool and all, but when things turn sour, boy oh boy, he will bring it up....
i honestly think ignorance is bliss...because if i know, i will keep imagining it...but if i didn't and you left hints...i will soon forget all that hints, especially if we are having loads of good times togetehr...this is in every friendship and relationship....you might say, where's the trust then?? but if you know the truth will hurt someone, then why tell...life is too short to be living it so hurtful all the time...do i make sense??
Sunday, October 7, 2007
The Middle Man
I am sure there are many times in our life that we end up or even sometimes choose to be the middle men...Being the middle men is certainly not the easiest thing.
When it is friends, I find it real easy to say 'Nop, don't wanna hear about it"or even sometimes turn the deaf ear to bitching and arguments...
But how do you do that with family members...not siblings but parents... Not easy I must stress... I thought once the divorce was all over with, I could promote myself to the first single woman for once...but I guess I was wrong...It's a long story really...Just needed a place to rant and rave and Thank you Leena for listening...
Oh ya, on that note...life is short, DON"T be the middle men..yup, I am darn good in giving advise but it's a shame I cant seem to practice this one..
When it is friends, I find it real easy to say 'Nop, don't wanna hear about it"or even sometimes turn the deaf ear to bitching and arguments...
But how do you do that with family members...not siblings but parents... Not easy I must stress... I thought once the divorce was all over with, I could promote myself to the first single woman for once...but I guess I was wrong...It's a long story really...Just needed a place to rant and rave and Thank you Leena for listening...
Oh ya, on that note...life is short, DON"T be the middle men..yup, I am darn good in giving advise but it's a shame I cant seem to practice this one..
Friday, October 5, 2007
Meaning of Dreams
You know the feeling - you get up in the morning, laughing and the same time trying to comprehend the dream or sometimes nightmares you had.
Some doesn't make sense at all but we seek to give it meaning...we crack our heads all the way to work trying to figure out the sign of warnings it's trying to narrate to you...
I had one very funny one today...and I’m still trying to figure out what it really means...
But they also say, that you end up dreaming about things that has been bothering you throughout the day...Maybe..
My home has been invaded by two little creature, which I must say, I managed to kill last week (in that battle with this little creature, I bruised my elbow and nearly broke my nose!!) - that last bit, such an exaggeration. Okay..the dream, yup...it's something about me, trying to kill this lizard, but funny part is this lizard could talk and it was attending a job interview (I think these are stress from the Elevator Programme @ the Hilton).... But evil Darshini was all out this kill this creature. Somehow it fell into the bathroom sink and I decided to let the water flow so that it would die in suffocation (God! cruel me... If this is one of the skills needed for a sadist, then I so have it and mastered it)...funnily enough, the lizard started expanding in water...after sometime, when I thought the lizard had died, I turned off the tap. This little bugger got back to his original 2 inch size and ran off...
Yup..that was my weird dream... I still wanted to understand the significance on this lizard in my dreams, and this is what i got from the web...pretty interesting :
Lizard
Enemies will cause you injury, but if in the dream you are killing a lizard means you will have a good reputation and will regain lost fortune.
Hmmmm...shall update you readers if anything like regaining lost fortune every happens this month...
You got to check this out the website....if any of these animals appear in your dream, you'll know what it means...save all time wasted in trying to fix the puzzle
http://petrix.com/dreams/animals.html
Have fun!!!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Women - The walking contradiction!!
Yup....I know the women species are gonna hate me big time on this one....but, please, before you draw any conclusions from the heading (Like, Darsh, I think you might be gay...at all that jazz) read on...and I bet you will agree with me.
1) When a friend comes over to tell us their problem that they have been telling us for the past 6 months, and we are tired of hearing it, we say...."OHHHHH...poor you!" but deep down we are like "really, can't you find someone else...I am sick and tired of this !!"
2) Man don't call, we draw up millions of conclusions, some out of vengeance, some out of compassion and some mere excuses...but when he eventually calls, from vengeance, we become all nice and sweet...from compassion, we become all cold...and from the mere excuses we came up for their actions, we pretend like their silence had no impact on us whatsoever...
3) We are so darn good in giving advises...but we hardly practice them!!
4) We plan to buy something and we get everybody's opinion on it. Don't even know why we bother to ask for opinion, coz when the opinions are negative, we buy it anyway...then we have a book full of reasons for our actions ...like bullets for those who had all the negative opinions.
me got to get back to work...so kindda need to stop here...
men, if you are reading this and having a good laugh, thinking - this is so typical of the women species...then please read again....believe me when I say this, both men and women are the same..really they are..I know this man for sometime now, and I can honestly say, he is very much like a woman...draws up conclusions before reading the whole sms and many more...the list goes on and on..we women probably make use of our thinking caps far more than men...that's probably the only slight difference...But, ladies, the thinking caps need to come off...really..
to be continued...stay tuned!
1) When a friend comes over to tell us their problem that they have been telling us for the past 6 months, and we are tired of hearing it, we say...."OHHHHH...poor you!" but deep down we are like "really, can't you find someone else...I am sick and tired of this !!"
2) Man don't call, we draw up millions of conclusions, some out of vengeance, some out of compassion and some mere excuses...but when he eventually calls, from vengeance, we become all nice and sweet...from compassion, we become all cold...and from the mere excuses we came up for their actions, we pretend like their silence had no impact on us whatsoever...
3) We are so darn good in giving advises...but we hardly practice them!!
4) We plan to buy something and we get everybody's opinion on it. Don't even know why we bother to ask for opinion, coz when the opinions are negative, we buy it anyway...then we have a book full of reasons for our actions ...like bullets for those who had all the negative opinions.
me got to get back to work...so kindda need to stop here...
men, if you are reading this and having a good laugh, thinking - this is so typical of the women species...then please read again....believe me when I say this, both men and women are the same..really they are..I know this man for sometime now, and I can honestly say, he is very much like a woman...draws up conclusions before reading the whole sms and many more...the list goes on and on..we women probably make use of our thinking caps far more than men...that's probably the only slight difference...But, ladies, the thinking caps need to come off...really..
to be continued...stay tuned!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Signs of Maturity??
Driving to work today, got me thinking of how things have changed over the years, me, people around me, situation and circumstances!!! Signs of maturity?? I am not sure...but let battle it out
1) when the phone rings..I remember how my sister and I used to run to the phone. It was like a marathon, who gets to it first. Now, we just let it rings and see who gets to it eventually - Signs of Maturity / Signs of "I can't care less"?
2) My phone bills used to be a rising 4 digits...now, it's 2 digits, some days there isn't any calls made!! Signs of Maturity / Signs of lesser friends??
3) Those days when I drive and nearly met with an accident, all those "flowery" words comes out of my mouth, now, I look up at the driver and smile and thank god for the narrow sweet escape - Signs of Maturity / Signs of "I-can-now-afford-my-own-damages??
4) When I'm pissed off, I used to bang the door, rant and rave and make sure the whole world knows my problem..now, I cry in silence, and rant and rave in silence or just smile and say, everything happens for a reason - Signs of Maturity / Signs of insanity??
5) When I have the time at nite, I used to ensure that it was well wasted to wee hours in the morning...now, I love the whole idea about staying at home during the weekends and I sometimes feel real down when Sunday is over and I did too much over the weekends and left no time to myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of selfishness??
6) I used to love company, so much so in college, I made sure there would be somebody with me when I got to the toilet...now, I await for the time to be by myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of selfishness??
7) When people used to ridicule me, I used to get really upset...now, I can't be arsed. In fact feel sorry for them to know that I'm their spice in life - Signs of Maturity / Signs of I-couldn't-be-bothered??
8) Matters with regards to men - Those days when things go sour between us, I used to delete them from my memory, phonebook and all their traces will be vanished..Friends after the sour turmoil? dream on!!...Now, things go sour, i just laugh and cry, coz I so called it upon myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of Stupidity??
9) When things are not right and I need help, I used to run to my parents for help...now, i find help within myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of huge-ass-ego??
10) Enter a party, I used to make sure everybody knows I'm here...now, I try to sneak from the back, try a silent entrance, but that always fails - Signs of Maturity / Signs of Shyness??
Hmmmmmm.....something to think about.. but rite now...with all this writing and what's going around here at work...it's definitely SIGNS OF INSANITY!!!
1) when the phone rings..I remember how my sister and I used to run to the phone. It was like a marathon, who gets to it first. Now, we just let it rings and see who gets to it eventually - Signs of Maturity / Signs of "I can't care less"?
2) My phone bills used to be a rising 4 digits...now, it's 2 digits, some days there isn't any calls made!! Signs of Maturity / Signs of lesser friends??
3) Those days when I drive and nearly met with an accident, all those "flowery" words comes out of my mouth, now, I look up at the driver and smile and thank god for the narrow sweet escape - Signs of Maturity / Signs of "I-can-now-afford-my-own-damages??
4) When I'm pissed off, I used to bang the door, rant and rave and make sure the whole world knows my problem..now, I cry in silence, and rant and rave in silence or just smile and say, everything happens for a reason - Signs of Maturity / Signs of insanity??
5) When I have the time at nite, I used to ensure that it was well wasted to wee hours in the morning...now, I love the whole idea about staying at home during the weekends and I sometimes feel real down when Sunday is over and I did too much over the weekends and left no time to myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of selfishness??
6) I used to love company, so much so in college, I made sure there would be somebody with me when I got to the toilet...now, I await for the time to be by myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of selfishness??
7) When people used to ridicule me, I used to get really upset...now, I can't be arsed. In fact feel sorry for them to know that I'm their spice in life - Signs of Maturity / Signs of I-couldn't-be-bothered??
8) Matters with regards to men - Those days when things go sour between us, I used to delete them from my memory, phonebook and all their traces will be vanished..Friends after the sour turmoil? dream on!!...Now, things go sour, i just laugh and cry, coz I so called it upon myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of Stupidity??
9) When things are not right and I need help, I used to run to my parents for help...now, i find help within myself - Signs of Maturity / Signs of huge-ass-ego??
10) Enter a party, I used to make sure everybody knows I'm here...now, I try to sneak from the back, try a silent entrance, but that always fails - Signs of Maturity / Signs of Shyness??
Hmmmmmm.....something to think about.. but rite now...with all this writing and what's going around here at work...it's definitely SIGNS OF INSANITY!!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Out Cry of a Post Graduate
Last day at college and I probably had the biggest smile. At the thought of just completing 4 years of college life was such a relief. I’ve done it. My degree, for my mum.
Now I’ll just have to join the other world. The working world. The 9-5 job, where everybody looks cool all dressed uo, going to their interesting 9-5 job doing something they all like. Well, it looked like that to me. So I though when college was done and over with, that 9-5 job will land on your lap. I mean, who wouldn’t want you, a fresh graduate with all that theories, definition and textbook intelligence. I couldn’t wait, to share my “knowledge”. But I knew I was going to do it in style. I was going to the UK. Somehow, the land of our once-upon-time-ruler just seems greater. They ruled out country and now, they have rules our minds.
It was easy, I tell you. Going to the UK was not easy. The visa was one, the cash was the other and the fear wrapped it all. Walking into the British High Commission was like visiting a friend in jail with all the tight security. (Not that I’ve experienced visiting anyone in prison, I’ve never been to one, but I’m sure it looks like it does in the movies) I joined a group of 30 odd anxious people waiting to be called in the visa office. As my eyes went wondering around, it got me thinking. What is it about this country (UK) that everybody wants to step foot into. What happened to our own land? Has it turned its back on us? Or are we just plain blind that we cannot see what our very own nation can provide us? Why grow up in one country, live you whole childhood and the suddenly when you have all that your own country has given you, like education and childhood memoirs, we go live out life and make our bread in another land? Well, if everybody just seems to want to go to the UK, there is probably something they can offer that our very own nation can’t. Just got to go and find out ourselves, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what people did and got their 9-5 job tailored made for them.
In I went, and when they called my name (Ms Govindaraju), I took me three calls to realize that they were referring to me. I jumped out of my seat. That was the very first time I was referred to as Ms Govindaraju. He did a good job as white man saying my “mouthful” name. I approached the counter with the hope that I would not be sent home like the other without a positive reply or my passport.
“What do you want to do in the UK?” – asked this gorgeous blue eyed officer. At the thought that I would see more of this in the UK, it got me wandering. Suddenly forgetting how to structure a sentence, I couldn’t think straight. After regaining my conscious – Öh, I want to be able to work and see the country. Not been to that part of the world and I really want to see it”
“So that all you want to do?”- with blue eyes staring deep into me.
“YES”I said, with the confidence at the same time trying not to get hypnotized by thise eyes.
“Where do you want to go in the UK?”- he said as he was running his fingers through the pages in my file.
Okay, a test to my geography knowledge. I just rattled as much of places that I could think of in the UK, places my mum always spoke about when she was in the UK. Along the list, I suddenly mentioned “Adelaide”(OH Shit! What sis I just do?) Looked up at him and said Öh! Ya, that’s in Australia. Right? Ya!”
“How can I believe you?”- What kind of question is that? What am I suppose to say? Say how much I don’t really know what I’m doing here in the first place? Do I tell him the truth? Truth that I’m just doing what my mother wants me to do? Truth – I’m confused! No, I cant…that’s not me. I may be all this inside, but to the world, I’m perfect. I know what I’m doing and it’s always the best. So by hook or crook, I’m going to the UK. Just ignore all these confusion spice and just get the damn visa, I’ll fix the rest later.
I leaned forward, looked at him and said ”because I really really want to go and I know I will be back in 2 years, just like the permit says. So please give me the opportunity”. Thinking about it now, I think I was begging him but not down on my knew. When my name was called again, I hurried to the counter, chanting my mantras in my head. I met this Muslim lady with excellent English accent, “Your permit just got approved, so could you come back tomorrow to pick up your passport?”- Just then she saw the glitter in my eyes, the glow in my face and gave me the you-deserve-it smile. I walked out of the British High Commission with the glow, glitter and the smile like it was a permanent feature on my face. Off I will go to the ruler’s land, job opportunities will be falling onto my lap and there I will have the tailored made 9-5 job just like everybody else. So I thought, as easy as ABC.
It’s funny coming to think of it, how we were brought up. After primary school, it’s secondary then it’s college then university and work. No questions. That’s the life pattern and everybody goes through that. But what is in between all that, nobody tell you. The struggle to get into the next phase in life, nobody warns you. From the outside it looks like a smooth journey and I so badly couldn’t wait to do that journey.
Everything in the UK took me by surprised. Most of all, the journey to find that tailored made 9-5 job, I was flabbergasted. There is not such things as a tailored made job, the job is never tailored made for you, you tailor make yourself for the job. There is never a job suitable for you but you make yourself suitable for the job. And certainly nobody in the working world wants you to share your textbook intelligence, they want you diligence. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You will just have to shape up or you will find yourself shipped out. And it doesn’t make any difference if you are in another land.
Now I’ll just have to join the other world. The working world. The 9-5 job, where everybody looks cool all dressed uo, going to their interesting 9-5 job doing something they all like. Well, it looked like that to me. So I though when college was done and over with, that 9-5 job will land on your lap. I mean, who wouldn’t want you, a fresh graduate with all that theories, definition and textbook intelligence. I couldn’t wait, to share my “knowledge”. But I knew I was going to do it in style. I was going to the UK. Somehow, the land of our once-upon-time-ruler just seems greater. They ruled out country and now, they have rules our minds.
It was easy, I tell you. Going to the UK was not easy. The visa was one, the cash was the other and the fear wrapped it all. Walking into the British High Commission was like visiting a friend in jail with all the tight security. (Not that I’ve experienced visiting anyone in prison, I’ve never been to one, but I’m sure it looks like it does in the movies) I joined a group of 30 odd anxious people waiting to be called in the visa office. As my eyes went wondering around, it got me thinking. What is it about this country (UK) that everybody wants to step foot into. What happened to our own land? Has it turned its back on us? Or are we just plain blind that we cannot see what our very own nation can provide us? Why grow up in one country, live you whole childhood and the suddenly when you have all that your own country has given you, like education and childhood memoirs, we go live out life and make our bread in another land? Well, if everybody just seems to want to go to the UK, there is probably something they can offer that our very own nation can’t. Just got to go and find out ourselves, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what people did and got their 9-5 job tailored made for them.
In I went, and when they called my name (Ms Govindaraju), I took me three calls to realize that they were referring to me. I jumped out of my seat. That was the very first time I was referred to as Ms Govindaraju. He did a good job as white man saying my “mouthful” name. I approached the counter with the hope that I would not be sent home like the other without a positive reply or my passport.
“What do you want to do in the UK?” – asked this gorgeous blue eyed officer. At the thought that I would see more of this in the UK, it got me wandering. Suddenly forgetting how to structure a sentence, I couldn’t think straight. After regaining my conscious – Öh, I want to be able to work and see the country. Not been to that part of the world and I really want to see it”
“So that all you want to do?”- with blue eyes staring deep into me.
“YES”I said, with the confidence at the same time trying not to get hypnotized by thise eyes.
“Where do you want to go in the UK?”- he said as he was running his fingers through the pages in my file.
Okay, a test to my geography knowledge. I just rattled as much of places that I could think of in the UK, places my mum always spoke about when she was in the UK. Along the list, I suddenly mentioned “Adelaide”(OH Shit! What sis I just do?) Looked up at him and said Öh! Ya, that’s in Australia. Right? Ya!”
“How can I believe you?”- What kind of question is that? What am I suppose to say? Say how much I don’t really know what I’m doing here in the first place? Do I tell him the truth? Truth that I’m just doing what my mother wants me to do? Truth – I’m confused! No, I cant…that’s not me. I may be all this inside, but to the world, I’m perfect. I know what I’m doing and it’s always the best. So by hook or crook, I’m going to the UK. Just ignore all these confusion spice and just get the damn visa, I’ll fix the rest later.
I leaned forward, looked at him and said ”because I really really want to go and I know I will be back in 2 years, just like the permit says. So please give me the opportunity”. Thinking about it now, I think I was begging him but not down on my knew. When my name was called again, I hurried to the counter, chanting my mantras in my head. I met this Muslim lady with excellent English accent, “Your permit just got approved, so could you come back tomorrow to pick up your passport?”- Just then she saw the glitter in my eyes, the glow in my face and gave me the you-deserve-it smile. I walked out of the British High Commission with the glow, glitter and the smile like it was a permanent feature on my face. Off I will go to the ruler’s land, job opportunities will be falling onto my lap and there I will have the tailored made 9-5 job just like everybody else. So I thought, as easy as ABC.
It’s funny coming to think of it, how we were brought up. After primary school, it’s secondary then it’s college then university and work. No questions. That’s the life pattern and everybody goes through that. But what is in between all that, nobody tell you. The struggle to get into the next phase in life, nobody warns you. From the outside it looks like a smooth journey and I so badly couldn’t wait to do that journey.
Everything in the UK took me by surprised. Most of all, the journey to find that tailored made 9-5 job, I was flabbergasted. There is not such things as a tailored made job, the job is never tailored made for you, you tailor make yourself for the job. There is never a job suitable for you but you make yourself suitable for the job. And certainly nobody in the working world wants you to share your textbook intelligence, they want you diligence. It’s a dog eat dog world out there. You will just have to shape up or you will find yourself shipped out. And it doesn’t make any difference if you are in another land.
Friday, August 10, 2007
For those with - It's Complicated - in their Friendster status..this one is for you!!
Oprah's View on Men
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you
can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you
can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knowwhere you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
Ps: Thanks Mama Mel!! We need that knocking in our heads, sometimes...love ya
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Sandwich Between Men
Man…hhhmmmm. The only man I truly ever loved from the bottom of my little heart…MY DAD. I only realized that when I was after this guy called Khanna when I was in form 4. Khanna was a typical Indian boy who was intelligent but was into gangsterism. The typical Indian boy that you would see in the Tamil movies. So here I was, the “RICH” girl, liking this Indian boy who came from the other side of the pole. It was when I managed to all my guts to tell him how I felt about him, he turned me down. He said he would not be able to offer me what I wanted. I truly did not know what it meant then, but that was my first rejection. (Coming to think about it, what would he know what I wanted at that time!!..God! Boys, they sometimes think they are old enough to be men.) Many used to ask me what on earth I saw in him, certainly those who saw that we were both from two different worlds. It was that incident that I came to my senses, that I didn’t really like Khanna for who he was but more because he was juts like my dad. Only then did I realize, I was trying to find a replacement, a replacement I knew deep down that I would never ever find.
Along the line, there were many infatuations, crushes, likings flings, and so on. During one phase in my life, I was looking towards older men. It was during my internship in India that I met this man age 32 (I was 21 then(. During my first meet with him, I told myself, if I were to ever marry, I would marry someone just like him. Much later after working with him, did I know that he felt the same way both me, but he was married. Since then, I kept calling him “uncle”, just to remind myself where I stand.
Then in college, there was this Physics Lecturer whom I though was really cute but not many people in college shared the same sentiments. Thank god! Something about him made my heart beat a lot faster and I would become all-silent when he passes me in college. (So the drama, yup..say it) Eventually after some embarrassing moments with him, we started talking and that feeling soon died off. Every time when I am brought back to this memories, I can literally hear my friend commenting “Darshini, please lah, that lecturer is married. Why don’t you give yourself another 5 years before you choose your man” – Yeah, 5 years down the line, and I would probably be falling for someone’s grandfather!
My third encounter with an older man, was certainly the most “treasured”. During my final year in college, I was given an advertisement to do as part of my assignment, for someone who has no patience whatsoever for the stupid box machine (computer) that made mankind lazy, I was finding it difficult to do the assignment. I had great ideas, but I could not do it on the computer. So then I decided that I would pay someone to do my assignment for me. I truly didn’t think it was a sin, because it was my idea and someone would only be helping me with the technical part of it. So of I went strolling down the streets of Subang Jaya, SS15 with my friend, Kizzy in search of a graphic designer. Kizzy and I were looking for a particular graphic designer that we once came across, but we lost patience trying to find his office.
Of we went to the next available one. The minute I saw the graphic designer, whom I would like to call Malady, I went …wow..not bad. So, after Kizzy left, there e were, just the two of us. Malady and I working together to complete my assignment. After that assignment was done, there was no reason of going into his office. But I couldn’t let that stop me. I can resist everything except temptations. So off I went in search for more assignments for him to do. Then I go another assignment, and I met him again. I tried getting his number – “is there any way that I could get in touch with you if there needs to be any changes or should I just find you here?”- To which he said “Oh! Just find me here”- Stupid boy!! I want your number lah…what’s wrong with you??? Not gay. I hope.
When the assignment was over, I couldn’t think of another. But fortunately there was this project I had, The Snatch Theft Prevention Campaign. I managed to get the graphic designing and printing contract of the campaign to malady. Just as our meets became often so did our phone calls and sms-es. During one of our official meets, as we were talking I came to know that Malady was not the 27 year old that I thought he was. Malays was 33, 10 years and 11 months older than me. How interesting! That you god! Now why don’t you add that he is married and has 5 kids?? That’s all I needed to hear to start the aloofness to expand between us.
I was too scared to find out if he was married and had kids. The number 33 was bad enough. During the tiny detachment, along came Vinod. Smart, great sense of humor and for one MY age, the complete male version of me. I still don’t know the reasons why,but we decided to work things out together and Vinod was aware of Malady. I still thought of him (Malady) thought of all my official meets. When I paid the final payment to Malady, he asked me out (Dumb, what took you so long) since then, the short meets became lunches then grew into dinners and crossed into late night outings with his friends. Certainly all this happened with Vinod’s knowledge. I don’t really know how he tolerated it but he would always say “Yeah, don’t worry”. Not that I would worry otherwise because I truly believed hat since was not married to this man, I could still do what I wished. If you call it 2-timing, so be it.
Confusion made its grad appearance in my head and over ruled my actions. I felt squashed between the past of my little adventures with Malady and the smudges of my present future with Vinod. For the first time, men made me suffocate. I was not like I could flip a coin to solve confusion. Let’s try …HEAD – Vinod, 22. Just like me, book of Knowledge and had things in common to talk about. TAIL – Malady, 33, a graphic designer with a CAR. It’s not working. I can’t deny that Malady was security in many ways. I mean come on girls, let’s reveal the marvelous fact – money and material goods do make us secure with a man. They need to come in this package. The package that has been designed and upgraded from generation to generation. It probably no longer matter about the intellects of the man, but it’s all about if he’s got a job, preferably within the DLE qualifications (Doctor, Lawyer, Engineer) money, car and house.
Drowning in the middle of the Confusion Ocean, I left to the UK. I thank god that it happened. The distance taught me a lot. I then began to see that it was lust that I had for Malady, because I missed his touches, missed sitting next to him but never missed his voice or our conversation for he hardly had anything smart to say. He said it best when he said nothing at all. All we talked about during out meets was nothing but ourselves. It was tiring me out but being with him and touching him paid it off.
An overheard-but-never-taken-into-consideration rule: when you choose a companion or a partner for yourself, find someone who is more than just a lover, a friend. It’s the lust that would die off sooner than your realize it, while friendship in the relationship lingers on.
A fortune teller did once tell me that I will be between two men and I should choose the wiser one, I don’t know if he meant wiser in terms of age or wiser in terms of mentality, but if it’s mentality, I think I choose the right one. I stayed on…with Vinod. Some men are wise while some are otherwise. I am happy and have never been happier and he is certainly not a replacement of my dad and I’m sure about that. I remember a college friend wrote in my book “I only hope that you will learn that true meaning of life is found not on fleeting success and momentary fame, but in love which is eternal. Relationship is stuff that life is made of”.
Well I think I know what it means now. It’s such a wonderful feeling to know that somebody back home is waiting for you with arms wide open. And to know that this is the person you want to build all you future dreams with, it’s an unexplainable feeling. To love somebody deeply, gives you the strength, being in love with somebody gives you the courage – Lao Tzu
I’m not regretting what happened between Malady and I, as I would like to see it as a win-win situation. I’m not quite sure what he gained from me. All I know was during the period; I used his car whenever I wanted (even used his car to meet up with Vinod) had all the free lunches, dinner and not forgetting the top-ups for my mobile. What more can a girl ask for?? It was the best deal anybody can get even from the Malaysian Shopping Carnivals. I always thought that I am a man in a woman’s body and I would like to live in that believe. I’ve got ego as big as a man’s. I would never tell a person how I feel about them. My pride and ego is something I will never compromise. I’m a true Capricorn, a stubborn Capricorn. So don’t blame me.
Along the line, there were many infatuations, crushes, likings flings, and so on. During one phase in my life, I was looking towards older men. It was during my internship in India that I met this man age 32 (I was 21 then(. During my first meet with him, I told myself, if I were to ever marry, I would marry someone just like him. Much later after working with him, did I know that he felt the same way both me, but he was married. Since then, I kept calling him “uncle”, just to remind myself where I stand.
Then in college, there was this Physics Lecturer whom I though was really cute but not many people in college shared the same sentiments. Thank god! Something about him made my heart beat a lot faster and I would become all-silent when he passes me in college. (So the drama, yup..say it) Eventually after some embarrassing moments with him, we started talking and that feeling soon died off. Every time when I am brought back to this memories, I can literally hear my friend commenting “Darshini, please lah, that lecturer is married. Why don’t you give yourself another 5 years before you choose your man” – Yeah, 5 years down the line, and I would probably be falling for someone’s grandfather!
My third encounter with an older man, was certainly the most “treasured”. During my final year in college, I was given an advertisement to do as part of my assignment, for someone who has no patience whatsoever for the stupid box machine (computer) that made mankind lazy, I was finding it difficult to do the assignment. I had great ideas, but I could not do it on the computer. So then I decided that I would pay someone to do my assignment for me. I truly didn’t think it was a sin, because it was my idea and someone would only be helping me with the technical part of it. So of I went strolling down the streets of Subang Jaya, SS15 with my friend, Kizzy in search of a graphic designer. Kizzy and I were looking for a particular graphic designer that we once came across, but we lost patience trying to find his office.
Of we went to the next available one. The minute I saw the graphic designer, whom I would like to call Malady, I went …wow..not bad. So, after Kizzy left, there e were, just the two of us. Malady and I working together to complete my assignment. After that assignment was done, there was no reason of going into his office. But I couldn’t let that stop me. I can resist everything except temptations. So off I went in search for more assignments for him to do. Then I go another assignment, and I met him again. I tried getting his number – “is there any way that I could get in touch with you if there needs to be any changes or should I just find you here?”- To which he said “Oh! Just find me here”- Stupid boy!! I want your number lah…what’s wrong with you??? Not gay. I hope.
When the assignment was over, I couldn’t think of another. But fortunately there was this project I had, The Snatch Theft Prevention Campaign. I managed to get the graphic designing and printing contract of the campaign to malady. Just as our meets became often so did our phone calls and sms-es. During one of our official meets, as we were talking I came to know that Malady was not the 27 year old that I thought he was. Malays was 33, 10 years and 11 months older than me. How interesting! That you god! Now why don’t you add that he is married and has 5 kids?? That’s all I needed to hear to start the aloofness to expand between us.
I was too scared to find out if he was married and had kids. The number 33 was bad enough. During the tiny detachment, along came Vinod. Smart, great sense of humor and for one MY age, the complete male version of me. I still don’t know the reasons why,but we decided to work things out together and Vinod was aware of Malady. I still thought of him (Malady) thought of all my official meets. When I paid the final payment to Malady, he asked me out (Dumb, what took you so long) since then, the short meets became lunches then grew into dinners and crossed into late night outings with his friends. Certainly all this happened with Vinod’s knowledge. I don’t really know how he tolerated it but he would always say “Yeah, don’t worry”. Not that I would worry otherwise because I truly believed hat since was not married to this man, I could still do what I wished. If you call it 2-timing, so be it.
Confusion made its grad appearance in my head and over ruled my actions. I felt squashed between the past of my little adventures with Malady and the smudges of my present future with Vinod. For the first time, men made me suffocate. I was not like I could flip a coin to solve confusion. Let’s try …HEAD – Vinod, 22. Just like me, book of Knowledge and had things in common to talk about. TAIL – Malady, 33, a graphic designer with a CAR. It’s not working. I can’t deny that Malady was security in many ways. I mean come on girls, let’s reveal the marvelous fact – money and material goods do make us secure with a man. They need to come in this package. The package that has been designed and upgraded from generation to generation. It probably no longer matter about the intellects of the man, but it’s all about if he’s got a job, preferably within the DLE qualifications (Doctor, Lawyer, Engineer) money, car and house.
Drowning in the middle of the Confusion Ocean, I left to the UK. I thank god that it happened. The distance taught me a lot. I then began to see that it was lust that I had for Malady, because I missed his touches, missed sitting next to him but never missed his voice or our conversation for he hardly had anything smart to say. He said it best when he said nothing at all. All we talked about during out meets was nothing but ourselves. It was tiring me out but being with him and touching him paid it off.
An overheard-but-never-taken-into-consideration rule: when you choose a companion or a partner for yourself, find someone who is more than just a lover, a friend. It’s the lust that would die off sooner than your realize it, while friendship in the relationship lingers on.
A fortune teller did once tell me that I will be between two men and I should choose the wiser one, I don’t know if he meant wiser in terms of age or wiser in terms of mentality, but if it’s mentality, I think I choose the right one. I stayed on…with Vinod. Some men are wise while some are otherwise. I am happy and have never been happier and he is certainly not a replacement of my dad and I’m sure about that. I remember a college friend wrote in my book “I only hope that you will learn that true meaning of life is found not on fleeting success and momentary fame, but in love which is eternal. Relationship is stuff that life is made of”.
Well I think I know what it means now. It’s such a wonderful feeling to know that somebody back home is waiting for you with arms wide open. And to know that this is the person you want to build all you future dreams with, it’s an unexplainable feeling. To love somebody deeply, gives you the strength, being in love with somebody gives you the courage – Lao Tzu
I’m not regretting what happened between Malady and I, as I would like to see it as a win-win situation. I’m not quite sure what he gained from me. All I know was during the period; I used his car whenever I wanted (even used his car to meet up with Vinod) had all the free lunches, dinner and not forgetting the top-ups for my mobile. What more can a girl ask for?? It was the best deal anybody can get even from the Malaysian Shopping Carnivals. I always thought that I am a man in a woman’s body and I would like to live in that believe. I’ve got ego as big as a man’s. I would never tell a person how I feel about them. My pride and ego is something I will never compromise. I’m a true Capricorn, a stubborn Capricorn. So don’t blame me.
p:s : I wrote this piece when I was close to dying points in the UK. Then writing was my only sanity!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
It is all about the MONEY!
Had a blast of a week at the Rainforest Music Fest. The best party so far that I've been to in Malaysia. The company that I went with, wouldn't possibly trade for anything. 8 of us, from doctor to trainer, IT specialist to banker and engineer, we had it all..
But good ol'Darshini has to do everything in style you see..Needed the drama and got more that just the drama, I lost all my valuables in Sarawak but that did not stop me from enjoying the rest of the trip (Ok...confess, there was occasional bitching, moaning and tears from me with regards to my lost) Thank you so much guys for putting up with all that..
I had never made a police report with regards to losing my bag, and the first time I did, I made it in Sarawak..how cool!! (NOT) yup, all gone, don't even ask me how...lets just say, I was being me ;)
Anyway, the one thing that I learnt through the experience..IT"S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY and believe me, it's funny in a poor girl's world..Came back on Monday evening, took the next day off to do all me paper works.With only RM32 in my hands, I went JPN to do my ic...guess what? it only took 15 minutes and RM30...With only RM2 left, while waiting for the banks to be open, I decided to go to the Maxis office..to get a replacement of my sim, they asked for RM10..i laughed.. WHAT?? I got no money lah..there's more ;
1) CIMB ATM - RM12
2) HSBC ATM - RM12
3) HSBC Credit Card - RM10
4) MBF Master Card - RM10
5) Work Employee F&B Discount Card - RM30
6) MPH Card - RM20 (this one, I refused to pay...think it is bloody ridiculous. why should I pay to get a replacement to be loyal to a freaking bookstore...doesn't make sense at all!! )
It's nearly RM100 to get your life back...mad!! Well, another one to add into my book of "expensive lessons learnt"
Don't think I wanna go through this turmoil again..next time, any fest or party, all money and stuff, in MY BRA!!...
but I think, this is just not fair, having to pay for replacement when I have a police report..the only thing I didn't have to pay, and was really surprised about, the police report made in Sarawak..
Hmmmm...Borneo Bound Bigtime!!
But good ol'Darshini has to do everything in style you see..Needed the drama and got more that just the drama, I lost all my valuables in Sarawak but that did not stop me from enjoying the rest of the trip (Ok...confess, there was occasional bitching, moaning and tears from me with regards to my lost) Thank you so much guys for putting up with all that..
I had never made a police report with regards to losing my bag, and the first time I did, I made it in Sarawak..how cool!! (NOT) yup, all gone, don't even ask me how...lets just say, I was being me ;)
Anyway, the one thing that I learnt through the experience..IT"S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY and believe me, it's funny in a poor girl's world..Came back on Monday evening, took the next day off to do all me paper works.With only RM32 in my hands, I went JPN to do my ic...guess what? it only took 15 minutes and RM30...With only RM2 left, while waiting for the banks to be open, I decided to go to the Maxis office..to get a replacement of my sim, they asked for RM10..i laughed.. WHAT?? I got no money lah..there's more ;
1) CIMB ATM - RM12
2) HSBC ATM - RM12
3) HSBC Credit Card - RM10
4) MBF Master Card - RM10
5) Work Employee F&B Discount Card - RM30
6) MPH Card - RM20 (this one, I refused to pay...think it is bloody ridiculous. why should I pay to get a replacement to be loyal to a freaking bookstore...doesn't make sense at all!! )
It's nearly RM100 to get your life back...mad!! Well, another one to add into my book of "expensive lessons learnt"
Don't think I wanna go through this turmoil again..next time, any fest or party, all money and stuff, in MY BRA!!...
but I think, this is just not fair, having to pay for replacement when I have a police report..the only thing I didn't have to pay, and was really surprised about, the police report made in Sarawak..
Hmmmm...Borneo Bound Bigtime!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
The Stupid questions ??
Do you not just hate it when people ask you really stupid question? the ones when they are asked, you have to try so hard to battle with your hands which eagerly wants to leave trademarks on their body... yup this question...
typing this blog at thans while he takes pictures of his new love, his bike...ohhh, men and their toys...that's another chapter all together...
okay, let's not get diverted...where was i? ah ya, questions...the stupid ones..here are few for you
1) Just when you are busy trying to crack your head and find that one thing you have lost, somebody comes up and say "do you remember where you left it?" - what?? hello!! if i knew where i last left it, do you really think i will be finding for it now!!
2) Typical one, when you are at the LRT station - "Has the train arrived?" - Oh ya, it has! and i must be really dumb to watch it go. Hello!! if it was here, do you not think i would have been on it??
3) The typical interview question - "So where do you see yourself in the next 3 to 5 years?" - now, that one, i really hate...and i still wonder what is the right answer for that. I for one, don't even know what is in store next year what more for the next 3 - 5 years...
4) They call you at home and they ask " Where are you?" - oh ya, I am by the way driving and happen to have my house phone with me!!
5) this typical " what are you up to?"...and after telling them the whole day schedule, they say "oh ok, well i have plans the whole day"...now, if you ask me that question, it is only natural for me to think that you wanna do something together...so please, don't be a KPC and then say 'oh nothing"
6) This one, not a question, but the stupid answers you get...you know when you are in a restaurant, feeling all hungry that you might get to the tendency of eating your own skin, , after placing your scrumptious meal order, you ask your mate and they say "ahh, Anything" - now if there was something call anything in the menu, it would be easy!!
7) ahh, this one famous question that the women species just Love using with their girlfriend - "Honestly, tell me what do you think about my boyfriend? " - what?? are you mad??? if i say, "oh, don't think he is all that good for you" are you gonna call off the relationship instantly?? Why, really why...do you girls ask such question??
8) this one, you get from those who constantly wanna know what you have been up to...they call you and you happen to be in somewhere noisy, they then ask "Where are you?" and when you answer "Oh in the club", the next question that follows straight after, like a bullet "how come you didn't call me?" - okay, now, let's not even go on about the grammar part...the bottom line is that, if I didn't call you means I am happy with the current company and you are not invited ;)
God! it's 2 in the morning and my brains is shutting down by the second...go think of all the stupid question people ask you and come out with creative ways to response to them...mine is, to give them the "Are you like what, stupid??" LOOK and that seems to be working well so far...
before my eyes decides to shut for the day, good nite ...Cheers
typing this blog at thans while he takes pictures of his new love, his bike...ohhh, men and their toys...that's another chapter all together...
okay, let's not get diverted...where was i? ah ya, questions...the stupid ones..here are few for you
1) Just when you are busy trying to crack your head and find that one thing you have lost, somebody comes up and say "do you remember where you left it?" - what?? hello!! if i knew where i last left it, do you really think i will be finding for it now!!
2) Typical one, when you are at the LRT station - "Has the train arrived?" - Oh ya, it has! and i must be really dumb to watch it go. Hello!! if it was here, do you not think i would have been on it??
3) The typical interview question - "So where do you see yourself in the next 3 to 5 years?" - now, that one, i really hate...and i still wonder what is the right answer for that. I for one, don't even know what is in store next year what more for the next 3 - 5 years...
4) They call you at home and they ask " Where are you?" - oh ya, I am by the way driving and happen to have my house phone with me!!
5) this typical " what are you up to?"...and after telling them the whole day schedule, they say "oh ok, well i have plans the whole day"...now, if you ask me that question, it is only natural for me to think that you wanna do something together...so please, don't be a KPC and then say 'oh nothing"
6) This one, not a question, but the stupid answers you get...you know when you are in a restaurant, feeling all hungry that you might get to the tendency of eating your own skin, , after placing your scrumptious meal order, you ask your mate and they say "ahh, Anything" - now if there was something call anything in the menu, it would be easy!!
7) ahh, this one famous question that the women species just Love using with their girlfriend - "Honestly, tell me what do you think about my boyfriend? " - what?? are you mad??? if i say, "oh, don't think he is all that good for you" are you gonna call off the relationship instantly?? Why, really why...do you girls ask such question??
8) this one, you get from those who constantly wanna know what you have been up to...they call you and you happen to be in somewhere noisy, they then ask "Where are you?" and when you answer "Oh in the club", the next question that follows straight after, like a bullet "how come you didn't call me?" - okay, now, let's not even go on about the grammar part...the bottom line is that, if I didn't call you means I am happy with the current company and you are not invited ;)
God! it's 2 in the morning and my brains is shutting down by the second...go think of all the stupid question people ask you and come out with creative ways to response to them...mine is, to give them the "Are you like what, stupid??" LOOK and that seems to be working well so far...
before my eyes decides to shut for the day, good nite ...Cheers
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
My rice bowl - still a dilemma!
25+ and still not sure on what I really wanna do? Sad!! I blame this all on my education (See, just have to find that source to blame) Degree in Mass Communication. God! What is that all about?? A master of all trades and jack of none.
I will never encourage someone to do that as a Degree…too wide of a scope. My problem now, I know I can do anything. Training, Sales, Front Office, Marcom…uuurrrrggghhhh..not easy you know…
Who ever said, having the gift of the gab is good??? See what it has brought me to? Yes, I have the gift of the gab and I shall try to be modest, I’m good at what I do.. (Gee, that's a hell of a load modesty) so moving up to the next step, kindda hard really…don’t really know which direction to take, don’t really know which path to venture into….okay, though I have told many that my dream job - travel from one country to another training call center agents, lap dancer in the evenings and F1 driver during the weekends, I've got to turn my practicality notch a little bit higher....HELP!! so if you are reading this, do me a favor…drop a comment and tell me where you see me in terms of career, I mean.
Where I work, I have friends calling me into various departments, people I meet telling me that I should join them, trainers I speak to saying that I should send them my cv – see! Yes I know I should be happy and all, that I’m in demand but it’s confusing,…..I hate choices…this whole temptation calling from others can be seen as an octopus; when you chop off one tentacle (shut them away as you don’t wanna be tempted further) there are dozens more awaiting to enfold you. HELP!! Because now everything feels so dislocated and absurd from the weather to the words.
Just feel like I can do more – the fact that I have time writing this blog, goes to show that I have time at work!!
So you know what do to…if you a reading this, please share me your thoughts. What should I do??
I will never encourage someone to do that as a Degree…too wide of a scope. My problem now, I know I can do anything. Training, Sales, Front Office, Marcom…uuurrrrggghhhh..not easy you know…
Who ever said, having the gift of the gab is good??? See what it has brought me to? Yes, I have the gift of the gab and I shall try to be modest, I’m good at what I do.. (Gee, that's a hell of a load modesty) so moving up to the next step, kindda hard really…don’t really know which direction to take, don’t really know which path to venture into….okay, though I have told many that my dream job - travel from one country to another training call center agents, lap dancer in the evenings and F1 driver during the weekends, I've got to turn my practicality notch a little bit higher....HELP!! so if you are reading this, do me a favor…drop a comment and tell me where you see me in terms of career, I mean.
Where I work, I have friends calling me into various departments, people I meet telling me that I should join them, trainers I speak to saying that I should send them my cv – see! Yes I know I should be happy and all, that I’m in demand but it’s confusing,…..I hate choices…this whole temptation calling from others can be seen as an octopus; when you chop off one tentacle (shut them away as you don’t wanna be tempted further) there are dozens more awaiting to enfold you. HELP!! Because now everything feels so dislocated and absurd from the weather to the words.
Just feel like I can do more – the fact that I have time writing this blog, goes to show that I have time at work!!
So you know what do to…if you a reading this, please share me your thoughts. What should I do??
Monday, June 11, 2007
Humble slave to the Goddess of FOOD!
I did my first ever Annalakshmi Voluntary duty yesterday!!!
Yup...some might say "What? Since when ??"
I know, I know, so unlike me...but hei, think it is time to give back to society. What goes around comes around, doesn't it? OKAY! might have an ulterior motive, but let me tell you this much. After one day of service, don't think i will achieve my motive, in fact i will be coming home smelling like curry and sambar...
Anyway, for those of you who don't really know about annalakshmi, read on...
See it's got this concept - Eat as you like, pay as you feel! good huh? So you can imagine the number of people who visits that place?? Gee! I was wrong when I thought we didn't make money. The concept behind this unique organisation is to allow the volunteers to serve charitable organisation, with love through the culinary and visual arts. The food served in Annalakshmi is not prepared by hired chefs with secret French recipes hidden up their sleeves. Instead it is prepared with the care and love by homemakers - mothers, grandparents, sisters and brothers (mostly from India ;) ).
This filial connection is what makes the concept of Annalakshmi, an unique one. So there you go, your eat as you like and pay as you feel concept.
What does Annalakshmi mean?
Annalakshmi is the Hindu Goddess of Food and the adage "athithi devo bhava" meaning "the Guest is God" is the motivating factor. This factor is a tribute to the Goddess of Plenty, Annalakshmi. These ideals, the warmth and the service very soon capture the imagination of diners. Annalakshmi provides food for the soul by providing a good meal to those who walk in. ( I got this off the net...)
It is largely run through the work of voluntary staff that includes mothers and grandmothers all of whom know what it takes to prepare a wholesome meal with homely love. (But when i went there to dine 2 weeks back, I saw all the mamis and mamas serving, and that was my calling. To help them. Hoping that I will bump into my rich dato and marry him - yup, the mice is out. That's my motive. But trust me when i say, I don't think that is happening.) Their clientele, Indian tourist!!! okay, maybe I might not meet my Dato but a Maharaja. (High Hopes!!)
Through your generosity you not only give us the honor and privilege to serve you with the culinary and performing arts but also allow us to help the underprivileged in India via The Temple of Service, providing free food and medical services. So come my dear friends, to the Annalakshmi. (God! I sound like a saint)
Eat and bloody well pay RM10 and above yeah! Don't be a Malaysian. Remember, taking orders, clearing plates, replenishing curries, doing all this wearing a saree, trying to look Indian and hoping that I don't swear at those people who has no patience whatsoever and those who come to you and say things like "how can you call this vegetarian when you have garlic and onion"- give me a break!!. So please....
Saturday, June 9, 2007
The Mean Naive me :(
Bet you know this feeling - Don't wanna leave the house, don't wanna meet friends, just wanna watch tv the whole day on your own, if you are hungry, just call dominos...yup! that what I did the whole day and it feels bloody good. and for those, if you who have been doing this rather often, you will also realise that you do things like, think about those days and read all the letters given to you when you were younger...
That's what I did today....as I was running through all those letters and cards people gave me, it got me thinking. Here you go, welcome to Darshini's mind
Card No 1
From this guy I've known since I was about 15. All lot of drama shit happened between us. Let's just say, it was a reenactment of the Tamil dramas and living in klang then, didn't really help. Well, he sent me a birthday card while I was in the UK. I remember reading it and thinking how stupid this boy was. Made fun of the card and the content and made sure others shared the same sentiments. In short- I mocked him. But for some reason, today, as I was reading the card again, it felt different. For the first time, I can say, I could feel how he felt for me. That boy did love me...oh my god! and I made a fool out of that...how selfish of me?? shit..okay, no doubt the card looked hideous, red roses and all...but the writing...I feel like a mean bitch. (Yup Leena, I am the reason why men think we women are bitches! Go on say it...)
Card No 2
My darling sis. The one culture UK had and that's why the card dealers made hell of loads of money, they have cards for every occasion and people would send them for every occasion. We moved 8 times throughout the 2 years period in the UK and can you imagine how many "NEW HOME" cards mum and me got....I had 3 jobs in the UK and can you imagine how many "Congrats - New job" and "WE are sorry you are leaving" cards I got? Yup, and when my sister came to visit me in Warrington before she started living her Scottish dream, she gave me a card (She just wanted to fit into the whole UK culture thing - hei yasodh, but the card means a lot and i still have it) There this line " Thank you for being you" - OHHH, all the hard times I gave her, see, I speak a hell of a lot faster than my brains think, so can you imagine how much crap came out of my mouth?? Sorry yasodh!!! But I was just being myself.
Letters No 3
I have a huge collection of letters from this man. I shared my 2 years of life with him. Like they say, all good things must come to an end, and so it did. Reading all those letters now, made me realise how much of an impact I had on this man. I am so sorry if I have hurt you and I know sorry if not good enough. But boy, believe me, it hurts my ego to even say it. Think about it, you and I are a lot happier without each another (I think). The last letter is by far the "BEST" - so much of hurt and hatred. Yup, the final goodbye letter. God, this blog is sounding like a confession.
okay, not gonna bore you with anymore letters and cards now....
You really wanna know what life really was in the UK?? The truth? I HATED IT!!
But I am who I am today because of it. I moved 8 times while I was out there. Was battling between what I really wanted to do and what my mum wanted me to do (or what I thought my mum wanted me to do), was trying to earn as much as I can (I was pound crazy) and was trying to live the British Indian Dream. The funny part was, there wasn't any dream. I was, for the first time living the day as it passed by. My only sanity then, MY JOB!! I felt in love so much and it hurt so badly when I left. And every time we gathered (I lived very close to Manchester then, Mum down near London and Sis in Aberdeen then) I only had work stories to share with them while they would tell me about their little travel adventure. Met a darling black man (Yup, and never thought I would go back ;) ) but I came right back and out of it, when I stepped on my Malaysian Soil. Out of sight, out of mind they say.
OOHHHHHHH, I hate this feeling....the feeling in not really knowing what I'm trying to say, this blog doesn't really have a point...Guess, I am missing mummy... :( see living on your own is not all that great. Thank god I love my own company or I would have been dead a long time back. You know what, I'm off now, or this crap will not stop...
Till you hear from me real soon - remember, everything happens for a reason....see, even that didn't make sense
That's what I did today....as I was running through all those letters and cards people gave me, it got me thinking. Here you go, welcome to Darshini's mind
Card No 1
From this guy I've known since I was about 15. All lot of drama shit happened between us. Let's just say, it was a reenactment of the Tamil dramas and living in klang then, didn't really help. Well, he sent me a birthday card while I was in the UK. I remember reading it and thinking how stupid this boy was. Made fun of the card and the content and made sure others shared the same sentiments. In short- I mocked him. But for some reason, today, as I was reading the card again, it felt different. For the first time, I can say, I could feel how he felt for me. That boy did love me...oh my god! and I made a fool out of that...how selfish of me?? shit..okay, no doubt the card looked hideous, red roses and all...but the writing...I feel like a mean bitch. (Yup Leena, I am the reason why men think we women are bitches! Go on say it...)
Card No 2
My darling sis. The one culture UK had and that's why the card dealers made hell of loads of money, they have cards for every occasion and people would send them for every occasion. We moved 8 times throughout the 2 years period in the UK and can you imagine how many "NEW HOME" cards mum and me got....I had 3 jobs in the UK and can you imagine how many "Congrats - New job" and "WE are sorry you are leaving" cards I got? Yup, and when my sister came to visit me in Warrington before she started living her Scottish dream, she gave me a card (She just wanted to fit into the whole UK culture thing - hei yasodh, but the card means a lot and i still have it) There this line " Thank you for being you" - OHHH, all the hard times I gave her, see, I speak a hell of a lot faster than my brains think, so can you imagine how much crap came out of my mouth?? Sorry yasodh!!! But I was just being myself.
Letters No 3
I have a huge collection of letters from this man. I shared my 2 years of life with him. Like they say, all good things must come to an end, and so it did. Reading all those letters now, made me realise how much of an impact I had on this man. I am so sorry if I have hurt you and I know sorry if not good enough. But boy, believe me, it hurts my ego to even say it. Think about it, you and I are a lot happier without each another (I think). The last letter is by far the "BEST" - so much of hurt and hatred. Yup, the final goodbye letter. God, this blog is sounding like a confession.
okay, not gonna bore you with anymore letters and cards now....
You really wanna know what life really was in the UK?? The truth? I HATED IT!!
But I am who I am today because of it. I moved 8 times while I was out there. Was battling between what I really wanted to do and what my mum wanted me to do (or what I thought my mum wanted me to do), was trying to earn as much as I can (I was pound crazy) and was trying to live the British Indian Dream. The funny part was, there wasn't any dream. I was, for the first time living the day as it passed by. My only sanity then, MY JOB!! I felt in love so much and it hurt so badly when I left. And every time we gathered (I lived very close to Manchester then, Mum down near London and Sis in Aberdeen then) I only had work stories to share with them while they would tell me about their little travel adventure. Met a darling black man (Yup, and never thought I would go back ;) ) but I came right back and out of it, when I stepped on my Malaysian Soil. Out of sight, out of mind they say.
OOHHHHHHH, I hate this feeling....the feeling in not really knowing what I'm trying to say, this blog doesn't really have a point...Guess, I am missing mummy... :( see living on your own is not all that great. Thank god I love my own company or I would have been dead a long time back. You know what, I'm off now, or this crap will not stop...
Till you hear from me real soon - remember, everything happens for a reason....see, even that didn't make sense
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My new found blow job!
Okay, now don't let your imaginations run wild!
Read on and you shall know what I mean bout this new found blow job.
It all started like about last week, when thans and I was busy getting our supply of ... (shall spare you the details ;) ) - Sorry, Thanee - just love leaving readers cracking their heads. (okaylah...we had to get our supplies of panadol cause we were getting on each others nerve ;)) Anyway we came across this little shelf exhibiting various flavours, sizes and packages of tobacco! Got real excited and decided to get the whole starter kit.
I think I'm facing the mid life crisis now. PS2 is even in the list!!
After much contemplation, I got the Vanilla Chocolate flavour. For you smokers out there, wanna quit smoking? Then start rolling your own cigs. And for those of you who are toodlers in smoking and wanna try it, then join this whole roll and blow job.
It's like drug. I look forward to go home every night. Sneak up at my balcony with pillows on the floor, get myself all cosy and start my job with "My name is Earl"playing at the background. It's HEAVEN!!!
For those of you thinking of what to buy me for my birthday, here's what I want. Been wanting to invest on these gadgets to enhance my blow job;
1) Zippo
2) The little silver case to store the perfect, fresh blows - Don't know what you call it
Been a wonderful week - me, home and rolling ciggs. Don't really know how long it's gonna be but certainly gonna finish it!
So come join me, let's blow this shit in heaven together! oh by the way, please bring your own supply :)
Read on and you shall know what I mean bout this new found blow job.
It all started like about last week, when thans and I was busy getting our supply of ... (shall spare you the details ;) ) - Sorry, Thanee - just love leaving readers cracking their heads. (okaylah...we had to get our supplies of panadol cause we were getting on each others nerve ;)) Anyway we came across this little shelf exhibiting various flavours, sizes and packages of tobacco! Got real excited and decided to get the whole starter kit.
I think I'm facing the mid life crisis now. PS2 is even in the list!!
After much contemplation, I got the Vanilla Chocolate flavour. For you smokers out there, wanna quit smoking? Then start rolling your own cigs. And for those of you who are toodlers in smoking and wanna try it, then join this whole roll and blow job.
It's like drug. I look forward to go home every night. Sneak up at my balcony with pillows on the floor, get myself all cosy and start my job with "My name is Earl"playing at the background. It's HEAVEN!!!
For those of you thinking of what to buy me for my birthday, here's what I want. Been wanting to invest on these gadgets to enhance my blow job;
1) Zippo
2) The little silver case to store the perfect, fresh blows - Don't know what you call it
Been a wonderful week - me, home and rolling ciggs. Don't really know how long it's gonna be but certainly gonna finish it!
So come join me, let's blow this shit in heaven together! oh by the way, please bring your own supply :)
ps: Amma & Aunties - Chill! the phase is already passing. Just thought it will be a good reading tool. Sorry have to spice up this piece of reading. This is specially for my darling mother. Save the phone bills Amma, you've taught me better than this!!! - Sorry guys, still shocked that my mum called me from CAnada to sort this out with me.....oh......I LOVE HER!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Double Headed Snake!!
UURRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Why are some people like this???
I so cannot stand it no more. If you have a problem, have the balls and tell it to my face. But NO! you rather tell someone else and let the word come my way. WHY?
I knew this will be creeping up slowly, because there isn't any Darshini's stage of glory to be dancing on. you know, i love my job and all, not complaining about it, but i love the people i work with even more (NOT!!!)
Our problem is communication. and sending emails around is not going to help any situation. if there is a problem, why can't we address it there and then, why do we need to wait, then send emails, cc the whole f&*(îng world about it. Grow up, people!!! If there is one training i could design and train, it will be "PRACTICE BEFORE YOU PREACH"
Can you believe, i am now becoming a noding doll and that is annoying me. The one person who needs more motivation than anybody else is the trainer, and i have to find it myself..well, i'm pretty good at amusing myself. It's just been a low week, sure i'll be up and about next week.
Darshini...you cannot allow people to do this to you. If you don't wanna go for a stupid meeting, say it...it's not in my job description!!!uuurrrggghhhhhhh
Why are some people like this???
I so cannot stand it no more. If you have a problem, have the balls and tell it to my face. But NO! you rather tell someone else and let the word come my way. WHY?
I knew this will be creeping up slowly, because there isn't any Darshini's stage of glory to be dancing on. you know, i love my job and all, not complaining about it, but i love the people i work with even more (NOT!!!)
Our problem is communication. and sending emails around is not going to help any situation. if there is a problem, why can't we address it there and then, why do we need to wait, then send emails, cc the whole f&*(îng world about it. Grow up, people!!! If there is one training i could design and train, it will be "PRACTICE BEFORE YOU PREACH"
Can you believe, i am now becoming a noding doll and that is annoying me. The one person who needs more motivation than anybody else is the trainer, and i have to find it myself..well, i'm pretty good at amusing myself. It's just been a low week, sure i'll be up and about next week.
Darshini...you cannot allow people to do this to you. If you don't wanna go for a stupid meeting, say it...it's not in my job description!!!uuurrrggghhhhhhh
Sunday, May 27, 2007
The Enchanting Seductress
I never really knew how to use what I have to my advantage until I was in my teens. I was this little girl who would constantly complain about my body. It was always, "God! Amma, why do I have your genes??", Ïf I knew they were gonna grow to this, I would have tied them real hard when I was young".
My sister always told me everything happens for a reason..and yes, yasodh..it does. I use, this weapons of mine (Which by the way, I have a few!) to get anything I want from men. You know what, they are the weaker species. As I was driving today to work, it kindda took me down memory lane (more like booby power lane) unfolding the chapters of all my scored goals.
Here are some of them:
1) I would get freebies from this sundry owner near my house in Klang everytime I went into his sundry shop. (See, I was way too young when this started. And I didn't quite understand. Then when I was older, all the elbow nudging into my priceless treasures made sense. Since then, I stopped going and even if I had to, I would only do so, when he was not around)
2) Managed to get my exam in college postponed as my friends in class was not prepared for it. (They knew I had this gift!!)
3) Managed to get away from the police when my friend was on the mobile phone while she was driving, we were both not wearing seat belts, we had just passed the red light and to top it all up, the driver, my dear old friend. Had no driving license.
4) I always get more than I asked for at the Mamak stalls
5) Got answers for my final examination at college from the lecturer who was suppose to monitor us during the exam.
and the list can go on and on...shall spare you the rest.
I feel liberated when things like this happens, just the same way when they strike a goal in football. They say, when you have it, you flaunt it. and for those of you, wondering how I look...hhmmmm, let's just say..think of Pamela Anderson (Yup, go on...laugh) Now she paid for those, I didn't!
It's kindda good feeling to know, that I can rock the boat in certain places. Apart from the dance floor it is also my driving. See, I drive a 2.4 Volvo and yes it's a manual (I'm a girl who loves the stick ;) ) and I drive it like it's suppose to be driven. You don't take the 2.4 on a 60 km/h and below....hello!!! - They say, a boat may be safer on shore, but that is not what it was built for!!! There you go...so if you see me on the road, watch out!! coz even if I hit you, I will not get hurt...baby, you will never die in a volvo..hmmmm, volvo, for life!!
I get this sense of satisfaction all the time when I make them go so bloody weak and when they later realise how pathetic they looked! Love it!! and when I rock you, I rock you hard, baby.
The enchanting seductress, a complete B.I.T.C.H
My sister always told me everything happens for a reason..and yes, yasodh..it does. I use, this weapons of mine (Which by the way, I have a few!) to get anything I want from men. You know what, they are the weaker species. As I was driving today to work, it kindda took me down memory lane (more like booby power lane) unfolding the chapters of all my scored goals.
Here are some of them:
1) I would get freebies from this sundry owner near my house in Klang everytime I went into his sundry shop. (See, I was way too young when this started. And I didn't quite understand. Then when I was older, all the elbow nudging into my priceless treasures made sense. Since then, I stopped going and even if I had to, I would only do so, when he was not around)
2) Managed to get my exam in college postponed as my friends in class was not prepared for it. (They knew I had this gift!!)
3) Managed to get away from the police when my friend was on the mobile phone while she was driving, we were both not wearing seat belts, we had just passed the red light and to top it all up, the driver, my dear old friend. Had no driving license.
4) I always get more than I asked for at the Mamak stalls
5) Got answers for my final examination at college from the lecturer who was suppose to monitor us during the exam.
and the list can go on and on...shall spare you the rest.
I feel liberated when things like this happens, just the same way when they strike a goal in football. They say, when you have it, you flaunt it. and for those of you, wondering how I look...hhmmmm, let's just say..think of Pamela Anderson (Yup, go on...laugh) Now she paid for those, I didn't!
It's kindda good feeling to know, that I can rock the boat in certain places. Apart from the dance floor it is also my driving. See, I drive a 2.4 Volvo and yes it's a manual (I'm a girl who loves the stick ;) ) and I drive it like it's suppose to be driven. You don't take the 2.4 on a 60 km/h and below....hello!!! - They say, a boat may be safer on shore, but that is not what it was built for!!! There you go...so if you see me on the road, watch out!! coz even if I hit you, I will not get hurt...baby, you will never die in a volvo..hmmmm, volvo, for life!!
I get this sense of satisfaction all the time when I make them go so bloody weak and when they later realise how pathetic they looked! Love it!! and when I rock you, I rock you hard, baby.
The enchanting seductress, a complete B.I.T.C.H
ps: Amma and auties - I am writing this is a depression mode, so please do not hold it against me. I already had amma calling me from Canada when she read the whole smoking tobacco thing. RELAX!!
The B.I.T.C.H is now born!
Yes, I now know what it all means...and this is how it's gonna be. Gone are the days where we spend time always being there, gone are the days when you wait for smses or phone calls (Okay, I don't do that....BUT gone are the days when you are constantly in my mind!!)
How did it all get so wrong? wait...maybe it's not wrong, it's meant to be !! Shut Up Darshini!! Meant to be? Meant to hurt so much?? (Okay, let's diagnose this in proper...readers are getting confused..remember "people cannot read your mind!") see this is the problem...they can't read my mind and I expact them to understand me, who even I have a problem understanding.
I give up and I admit (something I hate doing) I was wrong...not such thing as "friends with benefits" - Delusional. It's all good in the beginning, but what happens when you fall in? My friend had to bring me to my sense...because throughout the whole period, sanity conveniently left, and when reality greedily changed its mind, it all came back. The harsh truth of the REAL WORLD! See, I live in a complete drama world, even if there isn't one, I delibrately make one and when it all goes tornado in there, I step out of it and make another. But there is nobody to blame. For once, I am not playing the BLAME GAME, but instead, I shall snowball it all and swallow it hard. I called it upon myself , big time. I let my guard real loose, for the umpteen time!! 4 more years to 30, sure I should have learnt something. And I'm glad to say, I now did - The B.I.T.C.H is now born (Babe In Total Control of Herself)
My new oath for here forward - "I shall continue to booty on the dance floor like I always do, enjoy this freedom of singlehood, love my body like I never loved it before, make them turn their heads and want me. I shall ignore all smses and phone calls, cause babe, I am not that easy no more. No doormat, No sweet girl!. It's the B.I.T.C.H. Because, you guys love it that way, and because I get a sense of pleasure doing it." - hang on, didn't sound very much like an oath, did it??.....
See, if you are reading this and still do not understand what I'm saying...I don't blame, this is deep s*&*t.
This B.I.T.C.H is born, she's here and she will conquer!!!
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